Quill #90 - Choices

You know how people like to try to cover all their bases? I did that with my kids. I follow a philosophy that has some congruences with Christianity, though it is not close enough that many Christians would agree. However, I'm aware that I'm a fallible person. I wanted to make sure my kids could be saved if it turned out I was all wrong.

Both of them were baptized. Actually, they've both been baptized twice, by two different churches. Just in case. And then I encouraged them to study religions and decide for themselves. We're a hodge-podge family.

Kyrie decided to follow an ancient Egyptian goddess. Spooky chose to follow the Taoist philosophy that I do, though he may have evolved from that since we last spoke of the topic. I -think- my dear-daughter-in-law is Wiccan and hope she'll correct me if that's wrong. And Peregrin is agnostic with leanings toward atheism, if I understand correctly. Grandson and grandchild-on-the-way are both too young to decide, yet. One of my bestest friends is Wiccan, eclectic-style, and her husband is open-minded Christian. Their child is learning many paths to prepare for making her own choices.

I grew up in a household where a minister would be called to deliver a lecture if I even asked a question about other forms of Christianity. I'm still afraid for my children and friends being openly pagan because, in my head, society is not far enough advanced for them to avoid persecution. I fear for them about on par with fearing for an openly gay teen.

I realize things will never change -unless- people like them are courageous enough to stand up for themselves. And I only have to look at their father to see how my kids became heroes. But I'm their mom and I'll always worry.

(images from public domain sources online and Lolcats)

Quill #89 - Native Ancestors

Like most Americans, we're mutts. Our family tree looks like a map of Western Europe, almost. One of my lines is Swedish and German, mainly. Another is Native American, Scottish, Irish and German. Peregrin adds more Native American to the mix, as well as English and French ancestors. Thanks to him, our kids have the blood of three tribal nations and more NA heritage than I do.

When I was growing up I wasn't told about my native lineage. We lived near a reservation where the Indians were shooting at cars that passed through their lands if the drivers weren't obviously residents. It was considered a bit shameful to be an Indian and my parents were afraid I would tell everyone. They were right. When they did finally tell me, around age twelve, I was so pleased and excited that I told all my classmates the next day.

I went to the library and checked out everything I could find on "my people." I knew the basic history of mainstream textbooks. I didn't know, then, of the ongoing abuses. This search for my roots turned into one of the most depressing tasks I've ever forced myself to do. In the mid-seventies, small town library, midwest, there were no positive or uplifting messages about natives. New age books were not available. Books on NA religions were scholarly works, very rare, and not available to a girl with no money. Much of my later research was done at the university I attended after high school.

For many years, based on the books I read, I believed that I wouldn't be welcomed by reservation natives. About the time Kyrie was born, that error was corrected. I was told that anyone could take classes on reservations now - or at least the one nearest me. But, by the time I learned this, I had changed. My life was already too busy to add more obligations and my beliefs were somewhat settled. I chose to wait for a quieter time that never came.

(Images from Lolcats, public domain images, and personal archives.)

Quill #67 - Matter (2010, for Rae)

Her name, though pretty,
Didn't matter.
She was beautiful,
Both body and spirit,
Didn't matter.
She was talented and smart
And that mattered,
But those weren't the
Reasons.
They just helped her express what
Really was important
About her life,
About everything.
Being religious intrigued her,
Believing in God was vital to her.
And these things helped her deal,
So they mattered,
But they were only
Tools she
Needed to keep going.
And she knew
What mattered in her life.
She was an inspiration
To keep others from despair.
Her spirit was the
Crux of the matter,

And still is.

She's alive.
Thank God!
And she matters.

Quill #56 - Policy (Sept. 1, 2010)

She was the kind of person who tried to stock goodness for a rainy day,
As if she believed she'd need lots extra for some personal holocaust of evilness in her final days,
Or worried about an accidental changing of her ways that would strike thousands dead
And she needed to pre-compensate by saving their souls times a power of ten.
She took the Boy Scout motto to unreasonable heights when it came to afterlife insurance.
But she wasn't trying to be paid for eternity,
And she wasn't paying past due bills with love.
I would have liked to know what her Nemesis was doing to make her work so hard when she was dying,
Already sure of her destination.

Quill #30 - Nature Calling (1989)

Lakeside hilltop,
Loudly honking geese,
Full moon in fog,
Rings of evergreen,

Will-o'-wispies,
Flute and tambourine,
Chanting lips, then
Silence suddenly.

Gates wide open,
Death no barrier!
Great Ki, Druidess,
Goddess, blessed be.

Priestly kisses
Feet, then knees and womb,
Breasts, red crescents.
Lion iris bloom.

Spiral, clockwise
Dancing 'round a hearth,
Cake crumbs, blood wine,
Merry meet and part.

Quill #28 - Needled (2010)

No mere temple servant,
The Hand of Hera,
Strikes my back with Zeus's fire,
Twirls tiny lightning rods
That do no more than prickle,
Sending helicopter messages
By distraction,
Intuition,
Inward.
Benedictions wrapped in pain
Dance beneath my skin,
Myriad heavenly footsteps
Applying pressure.

Quill #27 - Mountain Song (1991)

Oh, the name of the God is 'I am,'
And the name of the Goddess, too.
When you speak to Them, say, "I am,"
If you want Them to know you.

What is on top of the mountain,
Waiting there to see?
How should I climb the mountain?
Wise One, please tell me.

O' my daughter, this is your journey,
No one else can teach you the way.
You must climb till reaching the summit,
But remember what you must say...

Oh, the name of the God is 'I am,'
And the name of the Goddess, too.
When you speak to Them, say, "I am,"
If you want Them to know you.

What is on top of the mountain,
Waiting here to see?
How did you climb the mountain?
Daughter, please tell me.

O' my mother, this was my journey,
No one else could climb the same way.
My path went higher than the summit,
And I was One with the Gods today.

Oh, the name of the God is 'I am,'
And the name of the Goddess, too.
When you speak to Them, say, "I am,"
If you want Them to know you.

Quill #26 - The Mountain (1989)

"What is on top of the mountain?" Blue Feather asked her mother.
"Which mountain?" Great Owl queried.
"The peak you climbed last year when you weren't feeling very well."
"Oh, that mountain."
"Yes, that mountain," answered the youth.
"No one can describe that mountain," replied her mother.

"What is on top of the mountain?" Blue Feather asked her father.
"Which mountain?" Handsome Elk queried.
"The mountain you and our uncles circle for hunt."
"I do not know," responded her father. "I have never climbed up that far."

"What is on top of the mountain?" Blue Feather asked her grandfather.
"What mountain?" queried Sleeping Buffalo.
"The mountain over there!" cried his granddaughter as she pointed in the direction of the summit.
Grandfather put on his glasses and stared at the place she indicated.
"I don't see any mountain," he grumbled. "Play somewhere else now."

"What is on top of the mountain?" Blue Feather asked her grandmother.
"Why don't you climb it and see?" suggested Medicine Woman.

"I'm going to the top of the mountain," Blue Feather said to her mother. "Which is the best path to use?"
Great Owl set down her basket of seeds and began gathering some herbs.
"I will make a special tea for you," she stated. "Once you have drunk the tea, you will be able to climb any path you choose."

"I'm going to the top of the mountain," Blue Feather said to her father. "Which path is the most beautiful?"
Handsome Elk stopped dancing and opened his medicine pouch.
"I will consult the contents of my pouch," he declared. "They will tell me which path you should follow."

"I'm going to the top of the mountain," Blue Feather said to her grandfather. "What is the best way to climb a high peak?"
"Why would you want to do such a silly thing? replied Sleeping Buffalo, laying down his pipe to speak. "There is too much work to do here." He waggled a finger at her.

"I'm going to the top of the mountain," Blue Feather said to her grandmother. "What should I take with me?"
Medicine Woman shook her rattle at her granddaughter.
"Just go!" she urged the youth. "Take nothing."

Blue Feather stood at the top of the mountain.
She breathed cold air.
She smelled pine scent from twisted, hunched trees.
She felt the brisk wind blow feathers into her hair.
She saw eagles hover in strong currents.
She heard a snake's rattle and the chanting of storm clouds.

When she turned around to look at the village, Blue Feather saw her grandmother's spirit flying up to meet her.

"Well, Blue Feather," asked Medicine Woman's spirit, once she had arrived at the crest. "What is on top of the mountain?"
Her granddaughter thought for just a moment, then gave her answer.

"I am."

Quill #10 - Thief in the Night (2001)

We lived in her upper room
Until you stole my life.
I would have given you money,
Why did you take my wife?

A million wives you've had till mine,
A million more someday,
Biggest polygamist in time,
Orgasmic when they pray.

Lost and hungry, cold, alone,
Twelve steps away from any home,
No lighthouse beacon ever shone.
No foghorn warned me not to come.

I don't know where to go from here.
Brother, can you spare advice?
Lost the passport to my future.
For what crime did I pay this price?

I never thought I'd lose her.
There is no higher court to sue.
No mortal man can ever win
Against a groom like you.